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How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Wednesday, May 27, 2020   /   by AJ Shepard

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie



Speaker 1:

Yeah, so How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Just got finished with it last night. Kind of skimmed through the last couple chapters, but that's all right. I probably want to take away, I'm just going to go through the four parts. There are four parts to this book. Each part has multiple chapters within itself. Part one is the fundamental techniques in handling people. He talks a lot about how criticizing is very detrimental when it comes to trying to win friends and when people over.

Speaker 1:

He talks a lot about striving to be understanding and forgiving. He also talks more about the appreciation value and how it's undervalued. A lot of people don't actually give appreciation, they don't say it out loud. They kind of just keep it within yourself, they kind of keep it internal, and making sure that you give that appreciation and that it's understood that the person you're talking to or whoever may it be understood that you are appreciating what they're saying. And most of the time actually when people split from relationships, it is actually because of the lack of expressed appreciation. And another thing he talks about in part one is the idea of stepping into other people's shoes is one of the most important things you can do.

Speaker 1:

So moving on to part two, he talks about several ways to make people like you and he starts out by talking more about being genuinely interested in other people and always making sure you're greeting people with enthusiasm and animation, kind of setting that tone for the conversation. And that kind of coincides with smiling. He really emphasizes the importance of smiling because of that kind of sets a tone for a conversation. If you go into a conversation with someone and you're not smiling or you're not looking presentable, you're automatically giving kind of a bad vibe for the start of the conversation. So he really touches on the smiling part, and that's kind of covers that.

Speaker 1:

And then another thing he talks about is being a good listener rather than being a good talker because if you're a good listener, it's much easier to be a good talker because you understand what the conversation is about and, and where the person you're having the conversation with is coming from. So being a good talker is good and all, but it really stems from being a good listener.

Speaker 1:

And then, yeah, encourage people to talk about themselves as much as you can. He mentions that because if you're talking about yourself in a conversation, you're kind of more interested in the conversation. You're more inclined to talk more and have a good conversation when you're talking about yourself.

Speaker 1:

Part three talks about how to win people to your way of thinking. In this part of the book, he really emphasizes the avoidance of arguments. He says that when you enter into an argument with someone, it's kind of a lose-lose situation even if you win, because when you argue with someone and it comes to the conclusion that you win, they end up feeling inferior and they feel worse about themselves coming into the conversation, so he emphasizes trying to avoid arguments whenever possible, and that, it kind of coincides with, one of the easiest ways to make an enemy is to say "You're wrong." This just automatically kind of breaks people down and sets a very bad tone for the conversation. And allowing people to express themselves at length will turn to make them feel more important and more sympathetic towards you.

Speaker 1:

So part four he talks about how to change people without giving offense. And this kind of comes with part three. It's before faulting people or blaming people, begin with that honest appreciation and understanding. And then he also talks more about using the word "but"... Or try not to use the word "but", but rather use the word "and". If you're saying the word "but" in a conversation, it automatically kind of brings a negative connotation to it, it automatically kind of says that, if you say "but," that kind of gives the person you're having a conversation with, it kind of makes them automatically feel like they're wrong or they're doing something wrong.

Speaker 1:

And then that kind of coincides with the last bullet point I have here where it says to understand and recognize your own mistakes before pointing out other people's mistakes. So in doing this, if you're understanding your own mistakes and recognizing those, it will in turn make the person you're having a conversation with, feel more sympathetic towards you and, and more understanding towards you.

Speaker 1:

If I had to give this book a rating it would for sure be a five star, just because I think a lot of these things that Dale mentions in this book are often overlooked and just kind of thought as kind of being a no-brainer, but until you actually take the time to think about it and get into the details of it, you really realize how important some things are.

Speaker 1:

Who and why would I recommend this book? I would recommend this book to everyone, but especially to people who might be struggling or have a hard time with really connecting with people or not getting along with people. I think this book does a tremendous job of emphasizing those points in how to win those people over and getting friends easily.

Uptown Properties
Chris Shepard
3526 SW Troy
Portland, OR 97219
503-941-0276
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